Sistahs U Approved: The Business of Being Born

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Healthcare reform is the latest buzz. Duh! I know. I'd like to be the first one to say that healthcare is pointless if we don't educate ourselves. (Yep, I said it). While this post may not help you in the classroom, it is important that we are critical in and out of University setting.

Future mothers, or current mothers hoping to add to their family, check out the documentary by Ricki Lake - The Business of Being Born! This film will help you question the system (and the puppets within it). It will empower you to take back control of your body. Please make sure that YOU are making the right decision for YOU. Get informed. Ignorance is not bliss.

I'll admit, I've never given birth, but, I am informed. So, if you're even remotely curious about additional options for child birth, check out this film. You don't have to agree with it, but you'll be less likely to be another puppet/victim of the system.

:::Fight the Power:::

MORAL OF THE STORY: Educate yourself sistahs, you need to know your options!

Don’t be a Hater!

Now, I know the title may catch a few folks off guard (secretly, that’s kind of the point). Read on. As you climb the ladder to success, you will come across some sistahs who are not as motivated as you are. You’ll want to understand why they refuse to get it together and you may even pray for them. And then, you will come across some sistahs who are equally, or even more motivated than you. They’ll graduate summa cum laude. They’ll win awards for their community service. They’ll earn internships in the most competitive companies. They’ll be just as successful as you. And, as much as you want to be happy for them and although you may have even told them how happy you are for them, a little bit of your inner hater will boil up. You won’t understand why, but that inner hater will consistently pop up as you see young Black women, like yourself, changing their Facebook statuses to say that they’ve been accepted to Law school at our HBCU’s, or statuses that they’ve earned a position at Fortune 100 companies, or statuses even say that they’re engaged; maybe the statuses say that they’re moving to the big city to follow their dreams. In the end, as happy as you are for them, there is a part of you that is hatin’ – maybe even jealous (I won’t leak that secret though).
Why is this? Because we see few of us making it to the top. Now, don’t get me wrong, more and more of us are making it to the top these days, but there are still very few (when we think of proportions). So, you assume that “making it” is a competition. After all, isn’t that the American way? So, when you see another one of “us” getting into Law school, going to Med school, starting a business, just friggin’ being happy; we, subconsciously, feel as if they took the last spot; a spot that was supposed to be reserved for us.

STOP IT AND PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE!

I’d argue that this is the demise of sisterhood. When did we stop looking out for one another? When did we stop working our way up the ladder, and looking back to pull someone else up with us? When did we turn against our sister instead of turning to her? When did success become something we wanted to celebrate alone? I won’t reply. I’ll just leave you with these questions. So, the next time your inner hater starts to boil up, ask yourselves these questions.

What Should I do in a Boring Class?

First, pay attention. There is ALWAYS something to learn. If you leave the classroom without a better understanding of some concept or newfound knowledge about a given topic, then you are cheating yourself, not the Prof. Yeah, I said it! No, each and every class will not be a life altering experience. However, there is always something to learn, if you open your mind up to it.

So, what can you do? Ask analytical or critical questions. (Great conversation starter) Some of my most interesting classes and discussions were those in which someone asked the tough question, or asked if we could take a look at the concept from a different vantage point. You can call these individuals “the devil’s advocate.”

If you’re not the individual who asks the tough questions, at least get involved in the conversation. Offer your two cents. Allow your views to be challenged and develop. Let yourself evolve as a student, as a scholar. It’s okay. Really, being involved in your education is okay.

PS: When you participate in conversations in class, the class actually goes by quicker. Real life. I don’t make this stuff up, I just write it.

Educate Yourself About Black History EVERY Month

Stop! Don’t skip this post just yet. You may be thinking, oh, I know my history. Slavery ended with the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation by President Abraham Lincoln in 1863 (which, some may argue, didn’t actually free slaves in the Northern states). Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated on April 4, 1968 while standing on the balcony of his Lorraine Hotel room balcony in Memphis, TN. Oprah Winfrey is the first Black female billionaire after building the production empire better known as Harpo, Inc. The 9 to 0 decision of the Supreme Court in 1954 in favor of the collective represented in Brown v. Board of Education was the damning blow to the Goliath better known as Jim Crow (at least, that’s what they tell us).

Okay, touché and a two pats on the back for you. You’ve clearly stayed awake through more than one Black History Month program. Without a doubt, the heroes and sheroes listed above played a huge role in the opportunities we have today, but they have almost become pop icons because their names have been thrown around so much and with less and less impact. These names merely scratch the surface of who we are, where we come from, and the ancestors who fought, cried, and died for us to have the opportunities we have.

First, if you don’t take anything else away from this post, take this: YOUR HISTORY, YOUR LEGACY, YOUR HERITAGE DID NOT – LET ME REPEAT, DID NOT – BEGIN WITH SLAVERY! Sorry for getting worked up, but that needed to be said. Your people (assuming you’re African American) were Kings, Queens, and Pharaohs far before the first trip through the Middle Passage. So, please don’t buy into the thought that your history begins there. Once you recognize that wealth, culture, pride, and a slue of other positive attributes stem from your heritage, it gives you a different sense of pride in your being an African-American. Shouldn’t it? Be honest with me, didn’t your chest puff up a little bit? Mine did when I typed it.

Obviously, it was easiest for me to begin with “race.” (Race is in quotes because there is nothing in our DNA that tells the world to mark us as Black, African American, etc. Instead, our Four Fathers and their Four Fathers needed a way to “keep us inline” (read: inferior) so, they began this whole categorizing process – i.e. white, black, Asian, other – that we now call “race”). Don’t get me started; I could go on to write an entire book on the “race” conspiracy.
Any who, knowing your history as an African American is only the first step. After all, aren’t you a woman also? Well then, there is another body of history out there that you should be abreast of (ha, a breast of…women…sorry…I couldn’t help myself…keep reading). Less than a century ago, women in America didn’t have the right to vote. To this day, women are still paid cents to the dollar compared to their male counterparts. Images and stereotypes of woman continue to be overly sexual, emotional, and nurturing creatures hang over our heads. Do you know who Mary Church Terrell is? What about Belva Lockwood? First woman CEO? What women fought for what you seek today; an opportunity to attend higher education institutions in classes with men and move ahead of men corporate organizations?

In order to pay homage to these heroes and sheroes, learn about them. I’m asking you to dig deeper than the history books offered during your typical “Black History Month” tributes, because we have to remember that these were often written by white Americans for white Americans. You can take that to mean whatever you like, but that isn’t the history I’m asking you to brush up on. Instead, I am charging you with the task of reading from some of our greatest Black authors. Read the Talented Tenth and dissect the strengths and weaknesses of W.E.B. DuBois’ central arguments. Read the collections of letters of slaves. Watch Ironjawed Angels, the reenactment of the Woman’s Suffrage Movement. Discuss them with friends. Most importantly, remember that without their sacrifice, you would not have the opportunities that you have today.

Now, I know I may lose some of you in this last section, but I’m willing to do so. Some of you may have been told this in the spirit of patriotism, but if you don’t love America, go to another country ((read: go back where you came from.)) This, I believe. Have you been to a second or third world country? What is the extent of poverty you’ve seen? Have you seen oppression beyond that which you live? I haven’t, honestly, but I know that the freedoms and liberties that we enjoy in America are unmatched in many countries and cultures around the world. So, you owe to yourself and to your country to know your history as an American citizen. What’s your State’s capital? Who is your Senator? What does s/he stand for? Which President established Thanksgiving as a national holiday? Who coined the term “affirmative action?” Which women are argued to have received the first electoral votes for presidency? Yes, regardless of your party affiliation, your values, your this, your that, you need to know your history as an American. Why? Because you are an American and you have no problem practicing your freedom of speech, wearing the clothes you chose, and jaywalking in front of the police. In other countries, you would be hung for these same activities. For that, you must recognize yourself as American….for you are, an American.

I can’t tell you which part of your identity – female, Black, American – will take center stage at any time throughout your collegiate career, or any time beyond that. What I will tell you is that you NEED to know how to manage them. I can’t tell you how to or which one is most important to your success. You owe it to yourself to learn how to balance these competing identities. After all, all three parts make you who you are. Moreover, the struggles you’ll face – both blatant, and subliminal – are similar to those that similar young, Black females have faced. Knowing that history will help you understand and cope with an identity that is, well, scarce in most colleges/universities.

Money Saving Tip #1

Hair. Hair. Hair. I guess you can say Chris Rock brought more attention to Black women’s hair than Madam CJ Walker. I’m not about to join the debate surrounding good and bad hair. Can I put in a quick plug though? (Me joining the debate…I can’t help myself!) There’s no such thing as “good hair.” The hair on your head is better than having no hair at all. So, it’s good hair!

Any who, saving money in college is probably one of the hardest things to do – especially if your parents don’t have very much. So, how can you help them, and yourself? Try learning how to do your own hair! It’s just silly to spend hundreds of dollars on a weave or sit up under a dryer for 4 hours each week. There are cases of females not buying books, skipping class, and wearing scarves to class, all in the name of hair! Nonsense. Nonsense. Nonsense. Getting your hair done is a luxury. Yes, a luxury! And, it’s flat out silly. Let me see, you bought a sew-in instead of books? You skipped class to get a roller wrap? You wore a scarf to class to hide it because you’re worried how it looks, but you don’t worry about how it looks when you wear a scarf? Hmm. Where are your priorities? Period. There’s just no argument that can be posed against it. You call yourself an independent woman? Try washing your hair on your own once. Now, I’m not saying jump into putting in a relaxer and all, but washing your hair on your own can save hundreds. You’d be amazed how easy it really is (depending by length and thickness.)


The moral of this story is, put off the luxuries you think you deserve now, so that you can put yourself in a place to have them in the future. When you put school first and manage your finances, you set yourself up for long-term success and stability. Go forth, taking control of your mane, playing India Arie’s “I Am Not My Hair.” Hums along....

Is "Sounding White" A Bad Thing?

Trust me, at some point of your collegiate career someone is going to tell you that you “sound white.” When – not if – but, when someone tells you that you sound white, it may very well be a compliment that means, “You’re a very bright, intelligent person;” OR, it may be a shot at you that means “You’re a sell out, and you’ve forgotten where you came from.” Either way, both meanings, along with the notion that one can “sound white,” comes from a place of ignorance and your response should be… “Since when has speaking properly been the sole responsibility and privilege of white people? Intelligence has no color and thus, I’m exercising my right to express my own intelligence.” Point. Blank. PERIOD. Regardless if someone says you sound white out of love or hate(r), laugh at them…then pray for them, because for some reason, they’ve been convinced that having a bit of brainpower, coupled with an appreciation for making some friggin’ sense when you speak and an affinity for not sounding like a fool adds up to “sounding white.” Whew, I could go on for days, but I’ll move on for your sake and mine.

At the end of the day, there are individuals who seek to “sound white” in order to get a pass because they believe that is the only way you can “make it” in this world. Pray for them as well and move on. Hopefully, one day they’ll learn. One day, they’ll have that rude awakening and they’ll look back to realize that they lost themselves somewhere along the way. You don’t have to be that person though. No, there aren’t as many people of color in powerful positions for us to look up to with regard to how we communicate. There are enough, though, and they certainly aren’t trying to pass. You can stay in your comfort zone, be true to yourself, and find success without “sounding white.” All I can ask you to do is please speak with some sense. Now, you don’t have to put on your best Becky voice to sound like you have sense or in order to be taken seriously, but there are a few things that are absolutely necessary. Please don’t replace “th” with “f.” It’s not “wif,” it’s “with.” It’s not “nuffin,’” it’s “nothing.” Don’t add extra “eds” at the end of words that already them. “Neededed” should be “needed.” Also, some words simply don’t exist. “Conversate” does not exist in any language; it’s “converse.” “Irregardless” is a double negative. It’s not “irregardless what you think, I’s smart.” It’s “regardless what you think, I’m smart.” Other than that, stay in your comfort zone. You don’t have to use twelve letter words to make your point. Trust me. A Professor once told me “KISS” – “Keep It Simple Stupid.” Yes, I was offended, but his words stick with me. You don’t have to say “a two-legged, feathered egg creating animal made a conscious, cognitive decision to alter its current physical location in order to relocate to an ideal, more suitable locality.” Just say, “the chicken crossed the road to get to the other side.” Point taken. Simple. There’s nothing worse than someone who thinks they’re sounding intelligent and yet, their showing their ignorance. So, the moral of this story: Keep It Simple Stupid. Know what you’re talking about and stay true to yourself. You are intelligent and you don't have to try to prove that to others by "sounding white.” Go forth and speak with confidence, assurance, and in your own voice. Peace.

The Outsider Within (Cue dramatic music)

The first few posts have been, well, watered down – to say the least. The plan was to ease you in to college life by giving you the basics. Now that you’re prepped and ready, it’s time to get real. Really, really, real!

Being a woman of color at a PWI (predominately white institution) is like…well, it’s like being an outsider within. It’s like being the elephant in the room. It’s like being the red-headed step child. I remember my first day of undergrad. Here I was, away from home, excited about learning, and most of all, ready to meet new people. So, after I unpacked, I thought I’d venture off, out into this new world and do just that – meet some new people. Once I got outside, I realized I wasn’t in Kansas anymore Toto. No one looked like me. When I say no one, I mean NO ONE. Here were all of these new people whom I wanted to meet, but I couldn’t. They were being dropped off in BMWs, Mercedes, and minivans. They were being dropped off by mom and dad and they were nothing like me. I thought to myself, “How are we supposed to relate?” “How could I spark up a convo?” BLANK STARE. Then, I decided to just wait on my roommate, because we’d have to talk. Well, when she finally moved in, she went on an on about how here mom was pissed because she maxed out her credit card for the month. After all, is $2,500 that big of a deal? Come on! THOUGHT BUBBLE: Give me a break, you spoiled rich brat! It didn’t stop there though. On the first day of classes, I remember getting to class super early. I was ‘xcited! Here I was, sitting in a classroom that could hold 500 people. What will happen? Who will I meet? What will I learn? I can’t wait! Then…as my fellow classmates began to file in, I realized that the two seats on either side of me were empty. There were literally people sitting on the stairs, but there were free seats sitting next to me. When I scanned the room, I saw similar things happening with other students of color. WTF? This is when I had my “ah ha” moment. Over the next four years of undergrad and two years of grad school, I noticed time and time again, people wouldn’t sit next to me. They’d lap up before taking a seat next to me. (Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it sure did seem like they’d rather hang from the ceilings than sit next to me). When I’d answer questions, instructors would act like my answer was wrong or incomplete. Then, another – lighter – student would say something that made no sense on any planet, and that answer would be…yep, you guessed it – correct. WTF? Then, once the instructor realized I knew what the heck I was talking about, he or she would just stop calling on me.

This longwinded story isn’t meant to scare you off. My goal is to prepare you for some alienation, some loneliness, and some flat out bull. Let’s be completely Frank, Francine, and honest with each other. We are an anomaly. We are not supposed to make it to college. However, in some people’s minds, because of Affirmative Action, a few of us are allowed to slip in to fill a certain, small quota (I’m throwing up in my mouth as I type this – but it is our reality). However, even if you are allowed in to a college classroom, you are expected to be seen and not heard. You sure as heck are not supposed to come in, participate, smile, nod, take notes, stay attentive, and above all else, KNOW WHAT THE HECK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! When you do these things, they don’t know what to do with themselves. All that they’ve heard, watched, read, believed, learned, and created in their minds about students of color is thrown out the window when you answer a question correctly, when you challenge the bologna that comes out of the ethnocentric instructor’s mouth, when you prove that you deserve to be there (probably more than the very people who give you dirty looks). HA! When people look at you crazy because you’re on top of your game, well, smile, nod and keep doing what you’re doing, because regardless how out of place you may look (and sometimes feel) you deserve to be there, you deserve to learn, and you deserve to succeed!

Oh, and one last thing…that feeling of being an outsider on the inside, yeah, that won’t stop once you graduate. Unless you go into business for yourself, you will probably be one of the only, if not THE only, person of color in your respective organization as you climb the proverbial ladder to success. Yeah, so, you’ll be proving yourself for a very long time. People will continue to be surprised that you “speak properly,” that “you’re so bright,” and that you “have a degree from (insert college or graduate program here).” Hey, I don’t write the rules, I just share ‘em with you. Peace.