Start Planning Now!

It’s never too early – or too late – to start planning. Yes, I know that God laughs at our plans sometimes because he controls our destiny, so that’s why you have a plan B. *SMILES* So, pipe down and listen up because this post is for any reader who’s in middle school, high school, college, or anywhere in between. Okay, pull out your pen and paper because you’ll literally need to write this down. First, at the top of the page, write down where you want to be when the show’s over, when the curtains fall, when everything is over and done with. Oh, and BE SPECIFIC! Don’t write I want to be happy OR I want to be prosperous. Now don’t get me wrong, being happy should be a goal; however, that’s way too broad for this assignment. So, write down your master plan. What is the finale? Who do you want to become? Next, draw a line straight down the middle of your paper and then another one across the middle. In the top left box, write RIGHT NOW. In the top right, 5 years from now. Bottom left, 10 years from now. Bottom right, 20 years from now. Now, fill in the boxes. Yes, it’s that simple. Write down where you want to be, as a person, given those time frames. Then, flip over the paper and write down what you’re doing to get there. You want to box off the page just as you did before, but now it’s time for you to start planning ways of getting there. That simple. So, as a finale to this post, I’ll answer the “What’s the moral to this post” question.

It’s time to stop blowing hot air around when talking about your future. It’s time to take control and take some initiative. It’s time to get moving. What’s the best way to get motivated? Well, by taking a good hard look at what you want out of life. And guess what? You can do that now by flipping over that sheet of paper and literally taking a look at what you want out of life. #thatisallfolks.

Don’t Fall Victim to the “Groupie Trap"

WARNING: In honor of Kat Stacks and the millions of other groupies out there, I had to move this posting up on my list a bit. This post is not meant to offend well-meaning collegiate mothers. This post is geared to the GROUPIES. Again, this post is for all the GROUPIES trapping on our college campuses. This one's for you. (In my R.Kelly voice).

The truth of the matter is, the larger the school, the more future pro-bowlers, all-stars, and Greeks live on that campus. And, let’s keep it real, there are going to be a few who are fine. They have that two-a-days body, stroll line swag, and the sex appeal that comes with being ‘the man.’ Girl stop! Think about it! First of all, he knows he is fine and he knows that last season’s accolades-First team All Conference-or last week’s probate show have upped his property value. More importantly, he has every intention of using this to his advantage.

Next, every other woman on campus is thinking the same thing as you, and he knows that too. He knows that after any game or any party, he will have a few women-black, white, purple or green-willing to get down with the get down. He knows this and he has every intention of making it happen., sealing the deal, smashing, crashing, and tearing something up. He’s not going home by himself on a Friday after hitting the winning shot, scoring the winning touchdown, or setting the NCAA indoor record for the 100. His hormones are rising-literally-and the girl with the biggest butt, shortest dress and nicest legs will get the pleasure of his pleasures. And if she isn’t down for the cause, he will go on to the next best thing (read: the girl with low-self esteem and “Dingbat” for a middle name).

I shouldn’t have to tell you the next point, but I gotta go there. You don’t want to be that girl who is dumb enough to get knocked up by “that guy.” Why? Because every other person on campus is laughing at you! Your parents should be ashamed and your child is here for all the wrong reasons. As for the other groupies on campus, they really are at your throat. Why? Because, they have probably hit that before, currently are hitting that, or plan on hitting it. So, when you-his baby momma-slashes his tires, calls her phone looking for him, or sits proudly in the stands with his face ironed on a t-shirt, you become the running joke of campus. Is that the legacy you want to leave behind? Is that what you came to school for? Newsflash, you are a baby mama and there is no, nor ever will be, a positive image or definition of this “title.” I hate to bring it to your attention, but he will never take you home for Christmas, nor will he ever tell anyone about you. You will just be, his “crazy baby mama.” Did you waste somebody’s money to go to college to be “that girl who was silly enough to have homie’s baby.”

You also don’t want to be that girl who bounces from frat to ball team. Don’t be that girl who does some self-reflection during your senior year, and you realize that you’ve screwed a few bruhs from this fraternity, a few more from another, rolled around with some football players, and played one-on-one with the starting five. That’s a groupie, and you don’t want to be that girl! That ain’t cute! Don’t let any reality tv show or tell-all book make you think otherwise.

Finally, it’s not cool! Not what’s up! It’s not alright to have sex with a guy because of his “status.” That is not a habit that you EVER want to get into. I’m not saying that you can never be with a man in a fraternity or date a star athlete. You can dibble and dabble, but you need to be careful. First and foremost, protect yourself. Not just physically, by wearing a condom; but also emotionally, be careful not to fall victim to the game. Don’t fool yourself or try to fool him by saying that you can have sex and not fall for him. 'No strings attached’ is a binding contract, because the subtitle reads 'after we have sex, I will stare at my phone until you text or call.' It’s a fact of life. And please, please, please, don’t think you can change him! You can cook all of the breakfasts and bake all of the cupcakes, pay all of the Sprint bills and do all of the homework you want, but, you’re not going to change him! He won’t commit if he‘s not ready. Going back to what I said earlier, he knows what he’s got! He knows that damn near every woman on campus is willing to do whatever he says and give him whatever he wants. So ladies, proceed with caution!

Don’t be a Hater!

Now, I know the title may catch a few folks off guard (secretly, that’s kind of the point). Read on. As you climb the ladder to success, you will come across some sistahs who are not as motivated as you are. You’ll want to understand why they refuse to get it together and you may even pray for them. And then, you will come across some sistahs who are equally, or even more motivated than you. They’ll graduate summa cum laude. They’ll win awards for their community service. They’ll earn internships in the most competitive companies. They’ll be just as successful as you. And, as much as you want to be happy for them and although you may have even told them how happy you are for them, a little bit of your inner hater will boil up. You won’t understand why, but that inner hater will consistently pop up as you see young Black women, like yourself, changing their Facebook statuses to say that they’ve been accepted to Law school at our HBCU’s, or statuses that they’ve earned a position at Fortune 100 companies, or statuses even say that they’re engaged; maybe the statuses say that they’re moving to the big city to follow their dreams. In the end, as happy as you are for them, there is a part of you that is hatin’ – maybe even jealous (I won’t leak that secret though).
Why is this? Because we see few of us making it to the top. Now, don’t get me wrong, more and more of us are making it to the top these days, but there are still very few (when we think of proportions). So, you assume that “making it” is a competition. After all, isn’t that the American way? So, when you see another one of “us” getting into Law school, going to Med school, starting a business, just friggin’ being happy; we, subconsciously, feel as if they took the last spot; a spot that was supposed to be reserved for us.

STOP IT AND PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE!

I’d argue that this is the demise of sisterhood. When did we stop looking out for one another? When did we stop working our way up the ladder, and looking back to pull someone else up with us? When did we turn against our sister instead of turning to her? When did success become something we wanted to celebrate alone? I won’t reply. I’ll just leave you with these questions. So, the next time your inner hater starts to boil up, ask yourselves these questions.

What Should I do in a Boring Class?

First, pay attention. There is ALWAYS something to learn. If you leave the classroom without a better understanding of some concept or newfound knowledge about a given topic, then you are cheating yourself, not the Prof. Yeah, I said it! No, each and every class will not be a life altering experience. However, there is always something to learn, if you open your mind up to it.

So, what can you do? Ask analytical or critical questions. (Great conversation starter) Some of my most interesting classes and discussions were those in which someone asked the tough question, or asked if we could take a look at the concept from a different vantage point. You can call these individuals “the devil’s advocate.”

If you’re not the individual who asks the tough questions, at least get involved in the conversation. Offer your two cents. Allow your views to be challenged and develop. Let yourself evolve as a student, as a scholar. It’s okay. Really, being involved in your education is okay.

PS: When you participate in conversations in class, the class actually goes by quicker. Real life. I don’t make this stuff up, I just write it.

The Outsider Within (Cue dramatic music)

The first few posts have been, well, watered down – to say the least. The plan was to ease you in to college life by giving you the basics. Now that you’re prepped and ready, it’s time to get real. Really, really, real!

Being a woman of color at a PWI (predominately white institution) is like…well, it’s like being an outsider within. It’s like being the elephant in the room. It’s like being the red-headed step child. I remember my first day of undergrad. Here I was, away from home, excited about learning, and most of all, ready to meet new people. So, after I unpacked, I thought I’d venture off, out into this new world and do just that – meet some new people. Once I got outside, I realized I wasn’t in Kansas anymore Toto. No one looked like me. When I say no one, I mean NO ONE. Here were all of these new people whom I wanted to meet, but I couldn’t. They were being dropped off in BMWs, Mercedes, and minivans. They were being dropped off by mom and dad and they were nothing like me. I thought to myself, “How are we supposed to relate?” “How could I spark up a convo?” BLANK STARE. Then, I decided to just wait on my roommate, because we’d have to talk. Well, when she finally moved in, she went on an on about how here mom was pissed because she maxed out her credit card for the month. After all, is $2,500 that big of a deal? Come on! THOUGHT BUBBLE: Give me a break, you spoiled rich brat! It didn’t stop there though. On the first day of classes, I remember getting to class super early. I was ‘xcited! Here I was, sitting in a classroom that could hold 500 people. What will happen? Who will I meet? What will I learn? I can’t wait! Then…as my fellow classmates began to file in, I realized that the two seats on either side of me were empty. There were literally people sitting on the stairs, but there were free seats sitting next to me. When I scanned the room, I saw similar things happening with other students of color. WTF? This is when I had my “ah ha” moment. Over the next four years of undergrad and two years of grad school, I noticed time and time again, people wouldn’t sit next to me. They’d lap up before taking a seat next to me. (Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it sure did seem like they’d rather hang from the ceilings than sit next to me). When I’d answer questions, instructors would act like my answer was wrong or incomplete. Then, another – lighter – student would say something that made no sense on any planet, and that answer would be…yep, you guessed it – correct. WTF? Then, once the instructor realized I knew what the heck I was talking about, he or she would just stop calling on me.

This longwinded story isn’t meant to scare you off. My goal is to prepare you for some alienation, some loneliness, and some flat out bull. Let’s be completely Frank, Francine, and honest with each other. We are an anomaly. We are not supposed to make it to college. However, in some people’s minds, because of Affirmative Action, a few of us are allowed to slip in to fill a certain, small quota (I’m throwing up in my mouth as I type this – but it is our reality). However, even if you are allowed in to a college classroom, you are expected to be seen and not heard. You sure as heck are not supposed to come in, participate, smile, nod, take notes, stay attentive, and above all else, KNOW WHAT THE HECK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! When you do these things, they don’t know what to do with themselves. All that they’ve heard, watched, read, believed, learned, and created in their minds about students of color is thrown out the window when you answer a question correctly, when you challenge the bologna that comes out of the ethnocentric instructor’s mouth, when you prove that you deserve to be there (probably more than the very people who give you dirty looks). HA! When people look at you crazy because you’re on top of your game, well, smile, nod and keep doing what you’re doing, because regardless how out of place you may look (and sometimes feel) you deserve to be there, you deserve to learn, and you deserve to succeed!

Oh, and one last thing…that feeling of being an outsider on the inside, yeah, that won’t stop once you graduate. Unless you go into business for yourself, you will probably be one of the only, if not THE only, person of color in your respective organization as you climb the proverbial ladder to success. Yeah, so, you’ll be proving yourself for a very long time. People will continue to be surprised that you “speak properly,” that “you’re so bright,” and that you “have a degree from (insert college or graduate program here).” Hey, I don’t write the rules, I just share ‘em with you. Peace.

Day 2: Should I Buy Books

So, you decided to stick around for the rest of the semester? Great! You’ve made it through the “syllabus day.” Now it’s time to get started and time to buy books. What, no one told you? Yeah, unlike elementary, middle school, and high school, you have to buy books. No one’s giving them to you and almost all of your instructors will swear that it’s a must that you buy them. Some of them will also share the same name as the author, because, well, they are the author! Yes, they’re lining their pockets, and please don’t allow them to tell you otherwise. Oh, wait, you didn’t consider book costs into your scholarship money, the money you saved up, the money your parent(s) set aside, or the financial aid you planned on spending a certain way? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. No one tells you that books are now one of the hottest commodities at the collegiate level. More bluntly, no one told you that they’d cost so much. Sure, the rhetoric is that education is absolutely necessary and without it, no one in our society succeeds. You may respond by asking yourself – as you stand in line with $400 worth of books – why aren’t my books free if education is a core value of our society…well, this blog can’t answer that question. After all, buying books that you’ll never use for a ridiculous amount of money is the American way! What this blog can tell you is that you have options. Trust me, buying new books is overrated!

So, should you beg, borrow, or steal? Don’t steal! Going to jail makes it difficult to attend class. But, don’t be afraid to beg, well not beg, but ask. You never know who has the useless book that you’ll never open or never use again. There’s certainly no reason lining Professors’ pockets with nothing substantial in return. Borrow, borrow, borrow! If you don’t plan on sticking with this major past this class or past undergrad, the book is pointless. Borrow it from a colleague, a roommate, or a library (yes, they still exist). Save the money! Don’t save the money to buy a bottle of Moet in the club or to get the real Louis V. Save the money. Put it in a savings account for rainy days. Yes, a SAVINGS ACCOUNT. Trust me, nothing runs out faster than college refund money, not even a no-good baby daddy or your favorite color of MAC lip gloss. Trust! So, borrow books if you can, take good notes on scrap paper, and save money for when you’ll really need it.

The Semester Begins Today!

Welcome to the first day of classes at Sistahs University! As the Dean of SU, I can guarantee this is not your cliché’, I’m at home, bored out of my mind blog. SU represents a movement that supports the advancement of Black women looking to do more than dream about success. Let’s be honest with ourselves, Black women face a unique set of obstacles in getting into college, making it through the first year, and finishing with the degree. Well, the wait is over and there’s finally a venue for you to find quick tips, ask questions, and get feedback on the behind the scenes issues we face at the next level. Pull up a chair; class is about to start!