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Monday, March 22, 2010

Don’t be a Hater!

Now, I know the title may catch a few folks off guard (secretly, that’s kind of the point). Read on. As you climb the ladder to success, you will come across some sistahs who are not as motivated as you are. You’ll want to understand why they refuse to get it together and you may even pray for them. And then, you will come across some sistahs who are equally, or even more motivated than you. They’ll graduate summa cum laude. They’ll win awards for their community service. They’ll earn internships in the most competitive companies. They’ll be just as successful as you. And, as much as you want to be happy for them and although you may have even told them how happy you are for them, a little bit of your inner hater will boil up. You won’t understand why, but that inner hater will consistently pop up as you see young Black women, like yourself, changing their Facebook statuses to say that they’ve been accepted to Law school at our HBCU’s, or statuses that they’ve earned a position at Fortune 100 companies, or statuses even say that they’re engaged; maybe the statuses say that they’re moving to the big city to follow their dreams. In the end, as happy as you are for them, there is a part of you that is hatin’ – maybe even jealous (I won’t leak that secret though).
Why is this? Because we see few of us making it to the top. Now, don’t get me wrong, more and more of us are making it to the top these days, but there are still very few (when we think of proportions). So, you assume that “making it” is a competition. After all, isn’t that the American way? So, when you see another one of “us” getting into Law school, going to Med school, starting a business, just friggin’ being happy; we, subconsciously, feel as if they took the last spot; a spot that was supposed to be reserved for us.


I’d argue that this is the demise of sisterhood. When did we stop looking out for one another? When did we stop working our way up the ladder, and looking back to pull someone else up with us? When did we turn against our sister instead of turning to her? When did success become something we wanted to celebrate alone? I won’t reply. I’ll just leave you with these questions. So, the next time your inner hater starts to boil up, ask yourselves these questions.


  1. I think we, as black women, stopped looking out for one another when we were no longer visibly "in the struggle". There was a time when all we had was each other *circa Civil Rights Movement. Now that we've come to a land of greater (relative term) equality, we want to out-do each other OR wonder "Why not me?". In either case, there is few full-throttle joy on behalf for one another.

    Personally, I've always thought that if those in my inner circle were reaching higher heights, that that awesome energy/opportunity can't help but to rub off on me too! As my sistahs *wink* start moving up the corporate ladder, and position themselves accordingly, it makes it easier for them to a) mentor me and/or b) bring me to their level! A win-win!

    ::: Katelyn, TFD

  2. Katelyn-

    I agree completely! I wish it hadn't taken me an entire week to find your post.

    I also think that we live by the charter that "lead by example." That's how I've been led and that's how I hope to lead.

    However, (and I'm probably telling more about myself that I want to), I wonder why - sometiemes - when I hear that others are doing well, I feel a sense jealously, along with my sense of excitement, joy, and happiness.

  3. Hey,

    I always believing in helping out a fellow sistah! I am always here for anyone that is willing to achieve their goals. (I am sure that you can attest to that) I have AKAcomplished some things in my life as well, but I have never put someone else down to build myself up. There are not enough African American women that are visible, and I hope with the little things that I am able to do, then I can help another!

    Great post my SISTAH!!