Step Out on Faith

I get it. Every day of your life is perfectly planned out days, weeks, maybe even months in advance. And I also get it that you have certain short- and long-term goals that guide those activities. For example, you go to class, get the grades, earn the internship, get into grad school, and before you know it, kick up your Louibouton’s or Ferragamo’s - respectively – on your Mahogany desk in the corner office overlooking the city. I get it. And, I respect it. Best of luck. Sincerely.

First, I want to warn everyone that the purpose of this post isn’t to suggest that you should change your goals and aspirations. Instead, this post is to bring you back to that place when you used to dream. It may have been during undergrad. Maybe high school. Maybe even before you started school. There was once a time that you wanted to be a writer. A dancer. An artist. A motivational speaker. And at some point, you were convinced that your dream wasn’t the most practical decision. Maybe you wouldn’t make a lot of cash. Maybe the chances were slim that you’d make it. In any case, you stopped dreaming and took another route.

Let me guess, that dream has never left you, has it? You still secretly wish that you could sell your art in a small boutique in SoHo. You’d love to be recognized as an author. Maybe you want to own your own dance studio. How about travel the world giving speeches about uplifting ourselves and our communities? I say, why not try? Why not send out book proposals. That doesn’t mean you have to drop out of grad school or quit your day job. If you want that dance studio, why not visit local studios to gain a better understanding of how they become successful? Get back into dancing yourself. Step out on faith. We get so caught up in the impracticality and we even let others crush our dreams.

Stop! Take just thirty minutes to an hour each day, or every other day, to step out on faith and live a little bit of that dream. Sure, your book may never get published. But, if you send out proposal after proposal, who knows what might happen? Maybe you end up with a New York Best Seller. Maybe you end up with something to stick under the dining room table. Maybe you save enough to put a down payment on a dance facility. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you surround yourself with just enough dance that you remember the days. Maybe you don’t get into law school this year, but next year, you get a full ride. Maybe. Maybe. Just maybe. I know it sounds cliché – even saying “I know it sounds cliché’” is a cliché – but, you never know what will happen. And more importantly, you don’t want that dream to turn into a “what if,” “if only,” “if, if, if, if” NIGHTMARE.

Manifest.

Sistahs Spotlight ::: Ms. Shante Pitts

It is an honor to share the story of Ms. Shante Pitts. I presented Ms. Pitts with a set of questions to help readers get a better understanding of how (some) women manage school, work, and being a mommy and yet still find success! None of the answers have been Sherrod-ed. In other words, these are Ms. Pitts' words in her own words. No snippets. No edits. Just a real Sistahs’ story. Enjoy.

1. What area of study is your degree in? What type of degree did you earn (A.S., B.A., M.A., etc.)?
I have earned a BA in psychology with a minor certificate in African-American Studies, a MA in Educational Leadership and am in the process of earning my Education Specialist (Ed.S.) in School Counseling (Guidance Counseling).

2. Before you earned your degree and before you found out you were pregnant, what were your plans for after graduation? Did those change once you found out you were pregnant? If so, in what ways? If not, why not?
Honestly, before graduating, I was becoming increasingly worried about my student loans. I had made the decision to seek employment as a secretary or retail associate and work may way up the chain. I was thinking of quitting school. I honestly was not thinking this decision thoroughly. I was not having any issues with school as I was a Dean's List student, I just doubted (and still do) my ability to pay off the student loans. Once I became pregnant, this changed because I realized that I wasn't going to make it off 18K a year with a child. I planned on not utilizing government aid-not that there is anything wrong with it, so I decided to finish school for more options.

3. In which year (1st, 2nd…) of your undergraduate career did you have little Zach?
I had little Zach at the end of my sophomore year.

4. How long after you gave birth did you graduate?
I gave birth in November 2004 and graduated January 2007, so a little under three years. Giving birth really accelerated the process lol.

5. When you found out you were pregnant, were you worried that you wouldn’t finish?
If so, how did you overcome those fears? If not, why not?
No, not really. I pretty much knew that I would be okay. It wasn't until after I had the baby, up late at night doing papers and having him right next to me unplugging the computer several times, that I began to think that either I need to hurry the hell up, or forget bout it.

6. What kind of resources did the University offer that helped you during your pregnancy and after?
Tameka Odum started “UC Moms”.. it was the best support group ever! It helped me be able to vent my frustrations about co-parenting with his father being out of state and we often held events that would help out a lot, such as play dates and lunches. Also, supportive faculty like Ebony Griggs-Griffith who made sure I had snacks at work and the cafeteria staff who would make sure I ate daily and had a fresh omelet! [even without a meal plan..shhhhh!]Lol. Also, maintenance wouldn't like to see me walk and made sure I had a ride (via the golf carts) to classes everyday. It seems like the staff of UC (University of Cincinnati)were very empathetic from my RC all the way down to the parking lot attendants. I don't know what I would have done without the UC staff!

7. How were you able to manage being a new mommy, working, and finishing classes?
I don't know. I kind of put one foot in front of the other and repeated until I saw the finish line. I also had a lot of support, my best friends Markita Murray, my twin sister, Zakiya Arnold, they baby sat while I took night classes. I also scheduled work and classes from 8-5 and put my child in child care. I worked from 8-12 and had classes from 1-330 and worked out afterwords then got my son. I would schedule one night class and one online class and that's how I would easily take 5-6 classes a term. Then, my sister baby sat on the weekends so I could work weekends as well. I am not going to lie, it was tough! You have to be extremely organized and extremely willing to go the extra mile. None of my professors knew I had a child; I made NO excuses and did my work. One time, my car broke down for months and I had a 8am class in winter term, me and my baby rode the city bus for 3 MONTHS in the blistering cold at 6 AM.. I would drop him off the walk 3 miles to campus. I lost a lot of weight and was very stressed, but I NEVER missed a day of class. I kept my head up and kept on trucking. My son loved riding the bus too.

8. Now that you’ve graduated, are you currently working in your desired field?
Yes and no.

9. If so, what is your job title and what are some of the job expectations?
I am a Violence Prevention Specialist and I work in a Middle school doing anger management counseling, social skills counseling, crisis interventions, and I teach a social skills class as well as coordinate violence prevention programs and activities on campus. If not, what field are you working in? I would like to become a guidance Counselor, which is the same field but pays more money ;).

10. If you have to offer one piece of advice to someone who already has a child prior to entering college, or someone who may have a child during their educational career, what would it be?
Be/Get organized. Excel spreadsheets, goal sheets, etc! Also, have a support system in place! Utilize your resources both on campus and off campus. It's okay if you need some government aid or may need to put your child in day care. DO NOT BE afraid of childcare; after your research, it will be good to you. Also, take time for yourself to enjoy some of what college has to offer! Live on campus if you can (in graduate and family housing) and don't put anything on credit! Don't be ashamed that you are having a child! Go to financial aid, become an “independent student” and hold your head high. It WILL get tough, you just need to be more tough! Bring your baby on campus at the park, use the campus child care, do what you got to do to make it! It's about you and your baby and no one else.

What’s the moral of Shante’s story? Well, it’s quite obvious that with a lot of determination, a solid support system, and the unwillingness to lower one’s standards, you can make it! Shante, thank you for your honesty and thank you for sharing because I know your story will help our fabulous mother’s succeed in college and beyond.

Start Planning Now!

It’s never too early – or too late – to start planning. Yes, I know that God laughs at our plans sometimes because he controls our destiny, so that’s why you have a plan B. *SMILES* So, pipe down and listen up because this post is for any reader who’s in middle school, high school, college, or anywhere in between. Okay, pull out your pen and paper because you’ll literally need to write this down. First, at the top of the page, write down where you want to be when the show’s over, when the curtains fall, when everything is over and done with. Oh, and BE SPECIFIC! Don’t write I want to be happy OR I want to be prosperous. Now don’t get me wrong, being happy should be a goal; however, that’s way too broad for this assignment. So, write down your master plan. What is the finale? Who do you want to become? Next, draw a line straight down the middle of your paper and then another one across the middle. In the top left box, write RIGHT NOW. In the top right, 5 years from now. Bottom left, 10 years from now. Bottom right, 20 years from now. Now, fill in the boxes. Yes, it’s that simple. Write down where you want to be, as a person, given those time frames. Then, flip over the paper and write down what you’re doing to get there. You want to box off the page just as you did before, but now it’s time for you to start planning ways of getting there. That simple. So, as a finale to this post, I’ll answer the “What’s the moral to this post” question.

It’s time to stop blowing hot air around when talking about your future. It’s time to take control and take some initiative. It’s time to get moving. What’s the best way to get motivated? Well, by taking a good hard look at what you want out of life. And guess what? You can do that now by flipping over that sheet of paper and literally taking a look at what you want out of life. #thatisallfolks.

Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

You may be a bit overwhelmed and a little nervous after getting this far through the book. Take a break and woo-sah for just a moment. College will be just as overwhelming, but sometimes, you need to take 10 minutes, an hour, or a half-day to have a woo-sah moment before your head explodes or you go postal on your roommate. Just relax, mama’s here. The key to college – and probably the rest of your life – is not to bite off more than you can chew. Sure, many of us want to save the world – naïve, yes I AM! No, but seriously, many of us want to be ideal children of God, standouts in the classroom, upstanding pillars of the community, burgeoning businesswomen, all the while remaining the twinkle of your familes’ and friends’ eyes. Well, let me be frank, Francine, and honest….there are NOT enough hours in the day, days in the week, or months in the year to do everything and be everything to everyone.

Yes, I advocate applying yourself in all aspects of life – first in the church, but specifically in college, right now – but, but, BUT, you have to know your limits. A week that consists of 18+ credit hours, 10 – 15 hours of work as a server, 3 hours of volunteering at the local Ronald McDonald House, 3 meetings with different organizations, all while being on line for a sorority and applying for summer internships…my sistah…you’re doing too much!

Now, don’t get me wrong. There is nothing more powerful than a young Black woman who can juggle her many responsibilities, stay on top of her game, all the while remaining absolutely fab-u-lous! But, when you have to start scheduling times to take showers or limiting your calls home because your Grandfather is long-winded, you are doing too much! This is a very bad habit that will not end when you graduate. It will only get worse once you become a wife, mother, and business exec. You will slowly but surely begin to lose sight of your own health and happiness and replace it with plaques, degrees, and accolades. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying quit your job, drop out of school, and live off your credit cards until you become some rapper or athlete’s baby momma (barf!). What I am saying – screaming, actually – is: “you have to manage your time wisely.” Don’t function on autopilot and forget to enjoy your life. Undoubtedly, success is a part of enjoying your life, but not at the expense of your health.

So, cut back on that course load by one class each quarter and budget appropriately so that you can take one or two classes in the summer to stay sharp and end the year on track. Step down from of your post as secretary of this or treasurer of that for a quarter. You can still be involved with that organization by acting as a liaison and attending meetings regularly. Ask your boss if you can cut your schedule by 3-5hrs. Sure, you’re losing out on a few bucks; but, if you budget properly, you can still manage to break even. Say no, once a week when friends are going out or go to library when friends head to the mall. Also, evaluate how you’re spending extra time. If you’re spending hours a day on Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Ebay or any other social network, blog, or chat room, you are wasting your life. I’m not saying you cannot frequent these sites – heck, I do! What I am saying is that you’re wasting valuable time that could be used working out, reading the Bible, studying, cleaning up, or even NAPPING! (my personal fav). Any who, stop wasting precious moments checking folks’ statuses. After all, like my girl Ms. Cole once Facebooked, “just a hint, don’t spend too much time on this website, it doesn’t make you money or make you smarter.” Preach.

The moral of this longwinded story is, treat your time like you treat your wallet. Budget, budget, budget. You don’t want to look up and see that your bank account is empty or overdrawn, do you? Think of your time the same way. In the end, you can get more money. You can’t get more time!

Don't Forget to Pack Your Brain with Your Swimsuit

Enjoy your break? Wonderful, because – believe it or not – everyone deserves a break. Hey, maybe that break finally allowed you to read that book that everyone’s been talking about. Maybe, you went to Miami with your best friends to relax in the Sun and forget about the nonsense going on back home. How you make the best of your break is completely up to you, but here at Sistahs U, we don’t break for too long. Repeat and rephrased: we never break for too long! Unfortunately, many of our school systems are set up for students to use the summer as leisure time. Yes, as a child, this was wonderful! It surely accounts for why we love summer more than any other season. However, this break does so little for our minds. We lose our academic edge during the summer by filling our brains with nonsense TV, movies, people, etc. (feel free to add to the list). We even lose some of our hunger for success. The students here at Sistahs U are challenged to spend their summers capitalizing on the opportunities that our more….lazy….competitors pass over. My charge to you is to spend your summer in an internship on Capitol Hill, shadowing a seamstress in New York City, studying international relations in Mexico, or reading up on the overlooked rhetoric of past Presidents. Whatever your cup of tea, don’t forget to pack your brain along with your bathing suit. Don’t take the summer off. Keep pushing. Success doesn’t take the summer off. Neither should you.

Don’t Fall Victim to the “Groupie Trap"

WARNING: In honor of Kat Stacks and the millions of other groupies out there, I had to move this posting up on my list a bit. This post is not meant to offend well-meaning collegiate mothers. This post is geared to the GROUPIES. Again, this post is for all the GROUPIES trapping on our college campuses. This one's for you. (In my R.Kelly voice).

The truth of the matter is, the larger the school, the more future pro-bowlers, all-stars, and Greeks live on that campus. And, let’s keep it real, there are going to be a few who are fine. They have that two-a-days body, stroll line swag, and the sex appeal that comes with being ‘the man.’ Girl stop! Think about it! First of all, he knows he is fine and he knows that last season’s accolades-First team All Conference-or last week’s probate show have upped his property value. More importantly, he has every intention of using this to his advantage.

Next, every other woman on campus is thinking the same thing as you, and he knows that too. He knows that after any game or any party, he will have a few women-black, white, purple or green-willing to get down with the get down. He knows this and he has every intention of making it happen., sealing the deal, smashing, crashing, and tearing something up. He’s not going home by himself on a Friday after hitting the winning shot, scoring the winning touchdown, or setting the NCAA indoor record for the 100. His hormones are rising-literally-and the girl with the biggest butt, shortest dress and nicest legs will get the pleasure of his pleasures. And if she isn’t down for the cause, he will go on to the next best thing (read: the girl with low-self esteem and “Dingbat” for a middle name).

I shouldn’t have to tell you the next point, but I gotta go there. You don’t want to be that girl who is dumb enough to get knocked up by “that guy.” Why? Because every other person on campus is laughing at you! Your parents should be ashamed and your child is here for all the wrong reasons. As for the other groupies on campus, they really are at your throat. Why? Because, they have probably hit that before, currently are hitting that, or plan on hitting it. So, when you-his baby momma-slashes his tires, calls her phone looking for him, or sits proudly in the stands with his face ironed on a t-shirt, you become the running joke of campus. Is that the legacy you want to leave behind? Is that what you came to school for? Newsflash, you are a baby mama and there is no, nor ever will be, a positive image or definition of this “title.” I hate to bring it to your attention, but he will never take you home for Christmas, nor will he ever tell anyone about you. You will just be, his “crazy baby mama.” Did you waste somebody’s money to go to college to be “that girl who was silly enough to have homie’s baby.”

You also don’t want to be that girl who bounces from frat to ball team. Don’t be that girl who does some self-reflection during your senior year, and you realize that you’ve screwed a few bruhs from this fraternity, a few more from another, rolled around with some football players, and played one-on-one with the starting five. That’s a groupie, and you don’t want to be that girl! That ain’t cute! Don’t let any reality tv show or tell-all book make you think otherwise.

Finally, it’s not cool! Not what’s up! It’s not alright to have sex with a guy because of his “status.” That is not a habit that you EVER want to get into. I’m not saying that you can never be with a man in a fraternity or date a star athlete. You can dibble and dabble, but you need to be careful. First and foremost, protect yourself. Not just physically, by wearing a condom; but also emotionally, be careful not to fall victim to the game. Don’t fool yourself or try to fool him by saying that you can have sex and not fall for him. 'No strings attached’ is a binding contract, because the subtitle reads 'after we have sex, I will stare at my phone until you text or call.' It’s a fact of life. And please, please, please, don’t think you can change him! You can cook all of the breakfasts and bake all of the cupcakes, pay all of the Sprint bills and do all of the homework you want, but, you’re not going to change him! He won’t commit if he‘s not ready. Going back to what I said earlier, he knows what he’s got! He knows that damn near every woman on campus is willing to do whatever he says and give him whatever he wants. So ladies, proceed with caution!

Sistahs U Approved: scripting the black masculine body: identity, discourse, and racial politics in popular media

And I Quote…

…many contemporary rappers who identify with the thug profile somehow have convinced themselves they have taken agency in lifting up their communities by claiming their origins in the ghettoes, which supposedly ensures that they have not forgotten their Black heritage. To prove this, they make gallant attempts to define their realities and rescript their Black bodies; instead, however, they have only complied with the stereotypical illusions about Black male bodies as violent, irresponsible, and lewd. Even though the mostly oversized prison-inspired apparel, Timberland boots, and regionally defined accessories (i.e., bandanas, gold teeth, cornrows, etc.) accompany the thug image for some and immediately conjure negative images, they are merely the epicenter of a more arcane inscription-the essentialism of the Black male image and presentation of it in a consonance with the archetypal minstrel brute belonging exclusively to the underclass…

…End Quote

Yes, he referred to gold teeth rockin’, Tims sportin’ thugs as minstrel brutes who present the archetypal minstrel. Agree with him or not, Dr. Jackson leaves us with food for thought.

Read and learn scholars.

Image courtesy of www.hiphopbeatstop.com